Is Pussy-Pinching out of Hand?

T

he pussy-grabbing president inspired a new twist on the sexist sport—pussy pinching. Christopher von Keyserling, a Republican town representative for Greenwich, Connecticut, “playfully,” according to his defense attorney Phil Russel, gave a lady “about that much of a pinch” as if the genital frisking followed the five-second rule of dropped food. Of course the playful defense will shore up in the context of von Keyserling who, only moments before pussy-pinching the complainant, called her “a lazy, bloodsucking union employee.” 

von Keyserling’s an affable guy with a good sense of humor “who likes to embarrass his teenage daughter,” ha ha, and it’s “gotten so out of hand,” (interesting choice of words) because the complainant and he consensually play little “gigs,” as do he and his daughter. The problem with von Keyserling, and the misogynistic men like him, is he confuses ‘dissent,’ with ‘consent,’ which is easy to do since the words are feminine rhymes and disyllabic. von Keyserling was arrested for fourth degree sexual assault, a misdemeanor, but clearly this is a case of malapropism, and therefore the old white geezer should be tried in the court of lexical justice where a jury of his peers will undoubtedly find that not only does von Keyserling confuse ‘dissent’ with ‘consent,’ but ‘digs’ with ‘gigs.’ The court would appropriately sentence him to serve one year under a lexicographer.

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